I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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