sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Pants are for mortals
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
