Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
