I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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