btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
