her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
