All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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