So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
