Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
