Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
