Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
