I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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