Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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