we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
