just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
