So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
