if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
