Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
