Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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