is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
