plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
