so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
