oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
sex in a hospital.. check
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
