First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
