that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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