That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
