that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
