the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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