Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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