Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
