I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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