Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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