Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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