Are we in a gay sports bar?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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