I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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