My Higher Power is John Stamos
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
