I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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