everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
