My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
