good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
