girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
