Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
