Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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