If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
