I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
