I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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