So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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