I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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