why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
