theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My pussy is not your playground.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
