I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Randomize
